The power of "YES" is transforming my life

It wasn't some large, courageous move.  It wasn't some grandiose religious endeavor. It wasn't some noble altruistic endeavor.  It was what it was. It found its beginning  from a dead end.  It came  to pass when there seemed to be no other way. It was born forth from desperation.

What am I talking about?

The time my "yes," brought forth an immense healing for my soul.  A time when I touched what the power of "yes," could be, and it changed my life.  More recent times would deposit further and richer lessons.

So on this Good Friday, when an ultimate, "Not my will," was spoken; on a day, when Christ having equality with God would not consider that equality something to be grasped but laid down His life is celebrated, I remember.

I remember where I stood.  I remember details that encompassed the room.  The echos of the words that had been spoken were ringing in my ears. Those are words I will never forget.

"Two to five years to really gain some consistent functionality and then we still don't really promise what that will look like." The year was 2003, the words were being spoken by Christian therapists, and the subject was me.  In my old blog, Walking The Passage, I wrote about the stories of my life in more depth, the affects of mental illness upon a person and those that love them, and the journey of touching the song of the stars and finding healing. But for now that which got that process rolling over a decade ago was my response to that declaration of "two to five years."

My faith had me believing in a God that hears, listens and acts.  Believing I was not alone in the universe; standing confidently in the fact that a Creator had known me from before the foundations of the earth were laid and that he knits and reknits humanity together, I went before the Lord.

My prayer/words consisted of statements that expressed the fact that I didn't feel I had 2-5 years, I wanted a life, so much had been taken from my life already and I wanted something different.  Then came the words, "I lay a yes before you... act, move upon my life.. not my will.. yours be done.. but do something."  The next nine months were full of those "somethings."  Counseling, dedicated family, friends, and pastors, and a relentless force of the Spirit of light and love and truth moving upon my soul.

In that season it wouldn't be 2-5 years; in that season through movements that found their origin in the heart of God I was recreated further into His image.

Many a "yes," had been spoken by me prior and others have been spoken since but that "yes," those prayers will always have a special place in my heart.  Now before anyone thinks it is some sort of formula for healing from mental illness that me stop the creation of formulas.  It wasn't. It isn't.  It was the catching of the song of the One who loves me well and listening to it's heart beat.

"Yes," has powerful vibrations.  Who doesn't want to hear an affirmative answer when the question or presented possibility is something wanted?  However, "yes," has complicated and potent ramifications and to understand those empowers us, as humanity, to interact with it more effectively.

More recently, actually in one hundred days that ended on January 28, 2015, I had set aside another season to daily present my will and my yes before that which I recognize as God.  The journey would contain within it some truly profound moments.  One of the most unexpected ones came around the days that would fill out the 70s.  Three quarters into my journey I began to feel that my "yes," wasn't wanted any longer.  I was confused.  Three quarters into my journey I felt extreme resistance to me laying down my will and giving a blanket "yes," to the Lover of my soul.   Those moments would rivet me into places unknown to me prior to there movements and teach me lessons that altered the way I think upon many things.

My Lord didn't want my "yes." He wanted something so much more.  He wanted me.  This isn't splitting hairs or even a series of plain nuances.  Isn't my "yes," me?  It went so much deeper than that.

He isn't looking to control me.  He isn't looking to dictate my ways.  He isn't looking to domineer me.  When Creator acted upon void forming out humanity what reverberated within that majestic heart was freedom.  Free will.  To create a creature in like form that would be the walking image of Creator. Even in the Christ in one of the most potent moments of history spoke from that place of freedom of choice, free will. 

 I don't want to dictate and command love or performance from my children.  I want their hearts to want to want to love me and be in relationship with me and act in ways that strengthen and grow that relationship.  I want them to know my heart and passion for them is for freedom. Freedom that they be who it is they are and that as I help them in their early years to find that what I am really doing is empowering them towards maturity and adulthood.

It is my deepest desire that my children learn and grow to understand that who they are is enough.  That they learn to say "yes," to themselves and who that is and who they discover that to be in different stages of their lives.  In so doing they learn that their "yeses" have power and weight.  In so doing my hope is that they learn that others will always have ideas of who they should or shouldn't be but that in their hearts and with those that love them they are empowered to discover what their "yes" is and isn't and live accordingly.

In the winter of 2015, my eyes were more fully open to the power of my choice and my "yes," and the magnificent reality that it matters to the Highest Power.  What was desired wasn't my blanket "yes," "your will be done."  It was when it was turned around and asked of me what was my will?  What did I want?  What did my "yes," look like?  What was my desire?

To follow a lover without question,while advantageous to some theoretically, wouldn't be desirable from those that are healthy people.  Neither is it so with God.  "Yes;" is a partnership, a discovery, a beautiful form of mutuality where incredible things happen and unimaginable things take place.  It is walking in the cool of the night, holding hands and breathing in the fresh heavenly dew.. realizing that the power of "yes," resides in the meeting of hearts more than any other place.

Yes, I see you.
Yes, You matter.
Yes, I want you.
Yes, I hear you.
Yes, I will listen.
Yes, I will be.
Yes, I will care.
Yes, I will hold.
Yes, I will show up.

"Yes," isn't about a formula or some magic genie.  It is a journey of realizing when the "nos," are actually the most beautiful "yeses," and the "yeses," are invitational to deeper and fuller passions and life.

I am learning so very much about Spirit and truth in these days, about the intrinsic heart beat of the ways that God operates and moves upon Creation and humanity.  There is always honor, beauty, love and passion.. kindness, patience, generosity.  Breathe and life and sound and vibration culminate in such wondrous and awe inspiring movement that affects incredible change.  To say "yes," to that is my heart's desire. The heart's desire of the Lord is that it isn't a blanket "yes," but a full and mindful and intentional and purposeful "yes." One that risks and conveys want and desire, humility, and preference not  to defy but also not to be enslaved.

The desire is for sons and daughters not slaves.

Explore "yes," with me....

Spend time holding out what does it mean between you and God?  Where are there fears, doubts?  Where is there expectation? What does that look like?  Discover the beauty and intricacy  and power of agreement.  It isn't a slave or a servant saying yes to a task being asked by a master or boss.  It is more like a lover asking permission and desiring mutual pleasure.  That is what a "yes," relationship with our God can be like.  Enjoy!