Recovering from Trauma... Our Breath

It was a sensation unlike anything I had ever felt before.

Something was different in my body.

Even my eye balls felt it.

I couldn't find the words to describe what was happening.

I opened my mouth and said, “I feel airier.”

Lighter

Fuller

Clearer

Who would have guessed it was as simple and profound as finding my breath.

But that is what it was....

I had been practicing yoga for a little over a month. People were commenting upon my posture, my demeanor, my countenance. What I was noticing was my spine. It felt airier. I felt taller. Was I perhaps breathing, really breathing? Was I breathing for the first time in my life? I truly believed so.

And it was magical. It was delightful. I was riding breath into new places. I felt alive. Breath filled out crevices within me that hadn't seen fresh air in decades upon decades. It was amazing. It was exhilarating. It was potent. It was awakening. It was deafening. It was terrifying. It was invigorating. It was horrible. It was alive. I was alive. Breath was entering my body day after day, coursing through my frame and creating new pathways into the very depths of my mind, my soul, my spirit, my body.. ME!

When trauma shows up, breath disappears.

In the very moments that we need breath the most, we close our mouths and out of impulse don't let it in.

Shocking or horrible moment occurs, inhale rises chest, mouth closes, lips press firmly and tightly, eyes grow huge, and we stay there.

Some stay there for decades.

Never exhaling the moment that stole their breath in the first place.

Forever living in the shallow tides of prana, breath.

Prana, is the Sanskrit word for breath, life – giving force.

Hebrew origins of man have clay meet breath as the beginning of all human kind.

With in their stories of the prophets of old, the Hebrews tell of a man named Ezekiel and a valley of dry bones, again breath brings restoration and strength. The Christ would exhale upon the cross and all creation would be affected. People of the Pacific Islands hold stories to be sacred as they are told, expressing the truth that within the story the breath of the people are found.

Breath is the life force of all things, yet I was never taught to breathe.

Oh Mims, who needs to be taught to breathe?

All of us!

All of us, would be my answer.

Hildegard once wrote, “The feather flew, not because of anything in itself, but because the air bore it along. Thus am I, a feather on the breath of God.”

“A feather on the breath of God.” 

What an image! 

To live life within that scope would be quite the adventure.

 How can one get there? 

How does one get there?

It took me a while to realize that all that I was feeling had a great deal to do with the fact that I had ceased to breath from my chest, with slow and shallow gasps of air, and begun to learn to pull breath into my body from the depths within. Breath was flowing in upon the inhales and out upon the exhales. Breath was coursing up and down my frame. Breath was filling out my toes and feet, my calves and my thighs, breath was coming into my torso and filling my lungs. I was expanding. I was riding the breath into new places and new places were opening to receive it.

That was both a delightful experience and a horrible realization.

If we don't think that the very thing that empowered our creation isn't as powerful as all that, then we are fooling ourselves and have lost touch with essential qualities of true life.

Pockets that had lived in dark, dry, suffocated places were being rattled within.

Awoken.

Brutal and beautiful things were taking place within.

A defibrillator of sorts was being introduced to my chest.

Shocking what breath can do!

“Come back to life,” was the song. “Come back to life,” was the invitation.

Events happen. We move on. We try. We keep getting up. We keep telling ourselves we are breathing, although we feel absolutely suffocated.

Pause here...

Let yourself settle...

Do you feel suffocated?

Where?

What does it feel like?

What do you need from breath?

Is it to just start again?

Go deeper?

Let yourself be carried by the breath for a while?

Dearest chest breathing friend, I was one of you and there are days I visit you. Except now I recognize the difference so much quicker. There are moments clarity of thought arrive in ways I never knew. There are moments where life feels richer and more full then ever before. But all of this should come with a disclaimer. Breath is powerful. Breath is potent. Breath will change things. It is not stagnant. It is dynamic. In its arrive, its power to affect all of life, bringing forward life is immense and will call for a response. Please, whatever you do... don't forget to breathe!

In an article in Psychology TomorrowMagazine, the Dr. James Reho does an amazing job exploring faith traditions and the reality of breath. It was some of his first statements that pulled me into the entirety of the article.

He writes, “ Breathing is never really simple. Our breath bears our emotional history and is a playing field for our flirtations with both Eros and Thanatos. While our relationship with our breath is often barely conscious, the quality and form of our breathing enhances and communicates much about our emotional state. As children, we hold our breath to get what we want; breath steals and expresses our will. When we are frightened; we gasp for breath sharply with the upper chest; breath influences and expresses our anxiety level.”

He goes on to say, “At some point, as Western Cultures came more and more to take on the viewpoints of Modern philosophy and the Cartesian paradigm, such practices ceased to make sense. Then as discomfort with embodiment (Sexuality, death, particularity, etc.) came more and more to define the Western mind and spiritual paradigm, such practices became either feared or dismissed and ridiculed.”

It is a fantastic article and well worth the entire read.

For our point here... Let me say, there is much detail and complexity to the healing of trauma. Breath is a vital point of beginning. Learning deeper inhales, and deeper exhales, and moving fresh prana in and around and through your body will bring immense change.

Pause here:
Breath exercise: Three part breath focuses the attention on the present moment, calms and grounds the mind.


This  exercise is often done while seated in a comfortable, cross-legged position, but it is also nice to do while lying on the back, particularly at the beginning of your practice. When you are lying down, you can really feel the breath moving through your body as it makes contact with the floor.
1. Come to lie down on the back with the eyes closed, relaxing the face and the body.
2. Begin by observing the natural inhalation and exhalation of your breath without changing anything. If you find yourself distracted by the activity in your mind, try not to engage in the thoughts. Just notice them and then let them go, bringing your attention back to the inhales and the exhales.
3. Then begin to inhale deeply through the nose.
4. On each inhale, fill the belly up with your breath.

My spine felt airier, my head felt cleaner and clearer and I felt more alive then ever before. Traumas from the past resurfaced as the breath entered, but it is time to clean house. It is hard. But then I cling to the promises of Ezekiel... These dry bones CAN and WILL live again, empowered by breath they come back together and learn how to stand as an exceedingly great army. Because that is what we do! That is what I do! I have learned to stand. Now I am learning to stand and breathe.