For what will a man give in exchange for his soul

I was in the ministry/church world for a very long time. Actually for more years of my life than I wasn't.  In some ways I will always be "in." While unexpected shifts and twists and turns have entered my life precipitating immense change, one thing has only grown stronger.  My passion for The Church.  My deep affection for what Christians call "The Body." What biblically, historically and affectionately within my own heart is The Bride. 

There have been seasons in my journey where cynical waves won out in the depths of my heart. These are not those times.  There have been seasons in my life where I would have said, "I love Jesus, but not the church." That statement doesn't make one spiritual, it shows up one's ignorance. For Jesus is beyond passionate for the Church; to love Him is to love what He loves or it is not to love Him or yet expose the shallow, immature, selfish  nature of said love.  I walked there.  I don't want to ever again.

In this season of space, silence, stillness and much more; I have grown in perspective.  In the pop culture song from Frozen, there are two lines of lyrics that have propelled me forward in this season and  while the reality of those lyrics playing in my head (thanks to an immense 6 year old) can be a bit much at times, their message rings true.

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all

Perspective has been granted.

Some space granted perspective.

Space allowed observation from a distance.

Tonight as I sat with certain images and thoughts, the realizations that have been saturating my being went deeper.

I've seen too many "games" played in the context of corporate churchianity. I've seen too many squander or sell out their gifts, or use them for profit. I watched too many people be affected by shallow, what would be called "prophetic utterances," and had to pick up the pieces. In my own immaturity gave some of those words.   There is a time to be a child and a time to grow up.  These are the days of maturity calling out to stop "play acting," and know and be known.  

The images that played in my  head today is the all too common one found in the context of some of the spheres I have most walked within; which would be on the more nondenominational side of life on the spectrum of Christian expression.  As I thought about the ambition that guises itself  in pious religious language, as I thought about the exhaustive pursuit of "happenings," as I saw pictures of the soulish needs screaming out to "be someone," ie a "gifted one;" I grieved. I grieved. As I grieved, the verse from Mark 8, filled out my being and I grieved all the more.

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it. "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul? "For what will a man give in exchange for his soul

I've seen too many trying to gain too much, calling it Kingdom work and yet it is no different than the great tower of Babel. That then sadly a work that was supposedly done for god ceases to be because God actually shows up and exposes the vanity of the builders.  I have seen too many Cains killing their brothers. I have seen too many selling out real actual birth rights for a momentary bliss. I have seen too many striving after an experience. I have seen too many exhausting self, family, congregation for the pursuit of trying to achieve something in the Kingdom that isn't that which the Father is doing. I have seen ambition and jealousy and envy. In the words of a fabulous friend who knows that which he speaks of, "Ministry is a harlot, it  comes to rob, steal and destroy."

These words aren't coming from a place of bitterness. I am not saying that those places didn't exist once upon a time. These words aren't coming from a place of anger or hurt. Again, will concede that that has been part of this journey. Emerging from those places and getting "some distance," has made everything look so small. "And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all."  I watch beautiful sons and daughters of God think themselves less than because they can't do, fill in the blank, like so and so can.  I watch them strive to "become" someone. I watch them as they touch success and I cringe.  Because the question really is "For what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"  For some I have watched it be no more than Esau's proverbial bowl of soup.

That's sad. 

That is worth grieving over.

In another favorite Disney movie of mine, the ghost father of Simba comes in upon a cloud speaking; this is the interchange between son and father.

Adult Simba: [looks into a pool of water] That's not my father. That's just my reflection.
Rafiki: No, look harder.
[touches the water, as it ripples Simba's reflection changes to that of his father]
Rafiki: You see? He lives in you.
Mufasa's ghost: [from above] Simba.
Adult Simba: Father?
Mufasa's ghost: [apears among the stars] Simba, you have forgotten me.
Adult Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa's ghost: You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life.

A time to remember who we truly are and take our places sitting at the table of the Father. Not because of any outward experience or explosive moment of "gifting" or genuine movement of Spirit; but because we are that we are that we are who we are, and that is not to be sold cheaply. That it is time after time is grievous.  One is not more honored because a prophetic utterance fell out of their mouth and happened to be right, one is not more preferred from Heaven because they can write a moving worship song, pray an effective prayer, or stand in a gift.  One is not more... one is not less.

In the words of a man who raised my husband and I up in ministry, We are no more and no less than that which we are.  And what we are is an image bearer of divinity. The dignity of humanity was given and restored by the One who loves us ever so deeply. May we not sell that out nor our very souls for a cheap bowl of soup.

Christ gave up His life in exchange for souls.  I see too many souls being exchanged for a cheapened and false rendition.