How He Saves a Life

I believe Him to be kind. I know Him to be more than words could express. These moments held within their framework vestiges of a time and moment in life where pain knew no boundaries. Revisiting those places in safety as to let healing flow is His specialty. His kindness, gentleness, patience and strength amaze me. Utterly amaze me. Upon a day liken unto any other day, He would press in as to bring healing to the depths of my soul.......................

Startled I looked at Him. He had taken me to one of our favorite places. I had begun to take in the landscape; grateful for my feet being placed upon that soil, I took a deep breathe. “I thought that bringing me here was for rest.” I said sheepishly, trying to avoid looking at what I saw before Him. “I would have never thought you would bring that here.”

“You thought wrong,” was His response.

“But....” I started to choke. I couldn't catch my breathe. Tears started to stream down my face. “This feels cruel.”

“Times more often than not have pain. That's not all they will have though.”

“I don't want to do this,” I said.

“I understand.” Was His only response.

I stared at the board that lay in front of Him. I looked at the day. I took in the scenery. “How did you... why would you.. how could that even get here?” Finally the question and its words were forced forth from my mouth.

His look back to me was serious; calling me to know Him, imploring me to trust what I knew of Him and to let this moment be what He wanted it to be...

“Please, stay with me.” Hearing those four words come out of His mouth brought me back into awareness of space, time, Him. “I don't believe I can do this,” was my response. “I know you can.” And as He said those words I looked away.

I tried to ground into the space He had brought to me or me to it; I tried to allow the air to land upon my flesh and saturate my soul. I tried to breathe in that air, calling all of what I am to settle. “It is too much.” Seeing Him, our meadows, along with the rose hued air had always restored my soul quickly. Now seeing that “game,” here, was causing interior conflict I knew not how to handle.

Dear reader,

I will pause in the story, to help you understand how to picture this scene. Picture the most beautiful scene you have ever known in your entire life. Allow remembrances of the most fantastic times of peace and joy to saturate your being. Now interject into that place the most horrific element of your life's experience. How would that change that environment? Going from delight to horror in a nanosecond. These moments would be liken to that.

Mims....

“Come sit with me.” He motioned for me to sit in front of Him, allowing for the board to be between us. All I could feel was air being trapped in my throat. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I could feel my head clouding over, as my mind grappled to contain the immensity of disparaging elements existing before my eyes. “Breathe. Sit.” Feeling robotic I moved forward. My right hand went down upon the soil, the grass; whose songs I had relished in, been nurtured by, felt strength from, received my body as I sat.

I looked into His eyes. Priest. Savior. King. Ruler. Friend. Confidant. Lover. Everything in His eyes spoke loudly than any words He could have uttered. He did not speak the words, “forgive me,” but I could have sworn He did as He opened up my hand, placing a wooden piece into my palm. I let out the sharpest of screams. The piece fell from my hand and as if in slow motion fell to the earth. “You....” And I stood up dusting myself off and walking, no storming, away. I was not looking back. This was ridiculous.

Screaming into the air, “How could you? That was only cruel. Why would you?”

“Because you need me to.” Startled, I looked towards my right side. “I have nothing to say.” To which He replied that He knew that that wasn't true. I'll never forget that smile upon His face. As the damns of self control broke wide open and a tirade exploded. When I was done, all He said; again with that smile on His face, was “I knew you had something to say.” And He smiled all the more.

“Tell me about failing.”

“I'm not going there with you.”

We walked in silence for what seemed like forever. “Tell me about failing.”

“No.”

Again step by step, quietness surrounded as peace emanated forth from His body.

“Tell me about failing.”

I don't remember crumbling to the grassy floor; knees, elbows, hands, forehead. I felt outside of my body as my hands beat at the ground. Sobs racking my body.

Then tears, not my own, fell upon my hands. Startled I looked up only to see Him, weeping with me; in His hand the piece. “I'm sorry.” The apology wasn't His to give. He wasn't apologizing for these moments; but for that one.

I could feel the cold starting at my toes creeping up my legs into my torso, once again laying hold of my heart, once again freezing my insides. He placed His hand upon my chest, heat blasted through my being, coursing down my torso.

All I could do was lean. Exhaustion saturated every cell. Time doesn't seemingly matter so much upon the grasses of that meadow. Whether it was a day or a thousand years, I laid still. Rising and falling to His chest, His breathe, His heart beat. I must have fallen asleep. I woke to the scent of food cooking upon a fire. “Fish.” I said with a smile, remembering all the stories of Him. “Of course,” He spoke back with a smile.

“Talk to me about this,” He said as He opened the palm of His hand and there was the piece.

I looked at Him. I looked at it. I held out my hand. He looked at me. I looked back at Him. With slow and direct intention keeping His eyes upon me, He placed in it my hand. Closed my hand around it and closed His hand around mine. I knew He knew the story. I knew He knew it better than I did. He wanted me to talk.

“Tell me about failing?”

I just looked at Him. Mouth glued shut.

He turned back to the fire. I watched as He picked up a plate, put a piece of fish upon it, and turned back to me. “Eat with me?” He spoke with quiet affection. I took the plate from His hands. In silence we sat, side by side. I could feel Him.

Those moments I will forever remember. In regards to His kindness, patience, generosity of Spirit. For He knows how we are made, that we are but dust, elevated only through His breathe and will; but granted such dignity that it is incomprehensible.

It became His kindness that would win out in those moments. It was His patience that would be utterly attractive. It was His gentleness that would fill me with courage and strength. I began to speak but as if from off in a daze. “No.” He placed His hand upon my knee. “Here.” He pointed to His chest. He pointed to Him, His eyes. I knew where He wanted me. I looked into His eyes, “ I can't do this.”

“Look.” He pointed to the horizon. I knew them in a moment. Two men walking with a woman in between them. I didn't know what to do; so much in me wanted to run towards them, so much in me wanted to run the other way, so much in me wanted to hide behind Him. They looked so different. So happy. So at ease. So beautiful. I sat glued. Watching. My heart pounding.

Shame began to push its way into my heart. “No.” He spoke with such wonder and authority that it

rattled me. “That is not to be yours.”

“Go greet your friends.” He said.

I placed my hand upon His shoulder and pushed myself up. The woman, who now looked like a girl, began

to run before I could and one of the men wasn't that far behind. I touched their faces, held their hands, laughed and cried. The man was the one who then held me at arm's distance, looking at me. His eyes held more in those moments then words could ever have uttered. And we knew. We both knew.

Drawing my attention to the other who was standing off to the side, I was motioned to go. I didn't make it two steps when I was being lifted into the air and swung around. Laughter and sobs mingled as I touched His face, as I ran my hands down his neck. As I touched him. Looking for all the scars. “He is the only one who remains scarred in flesh.” The man spoke.

The others joined us and the four us went for a walk. The three of them and me. Not many words exchanged. It was being in one another's presence my heart had longed for. But it was coming time. I knew it. Atmosphere changes are my specialty. I think He lets it happen so I get used to the shifts of time and space before they occur, as to not be jarred by them.

There were tender embraces, words, looks, knowings. Then they were gone.

“Tell me about failing.”

“You have lots of tricks up your sleeve, don't you.” I said, looking up at Him as I tilted my head towards the right.

“Lots.” He smiled.

Knowing me all to well, He brought me back to focus. “Tell me about failing.”

I lowered my chin.

“No.” From here, and He lifted up my chin, bringing my eyes into line with His. “Not. From here. Tell me about failing.”

And that's how the talk began. And that's how He saves a life......