The people who are walking in darkness Have seen a great light, Dwellers in a land of death-shade, Light hath shone upon them. Isaiah 9:2
I'll just be honest. In this season there has been much that has changed about my devotional habits. One is that I haven't listened to the same music I used to in what seems like forever. Upon the landscape of my life other notes, new chords, different lyrics were needed. Hosier's Take Me to Church became the song that most filled my heart with comfort, with His presence, with words and notes that resonated. I met God there time after time. As I found this beautiful Lakota Healing Prayer from YouTube my being would find rest.
Then came this day....
I hadn't listened to what those within certain spheres would call "worship music" in months.
I have lived in Blacksburg, VA for almost two years. I had never walked a foot on the Huckleberry Trail. This one morning I had gotten up very early. Having time before appointments, I decided it was time to do some exploring.
As I stepped upon the path, I felt an all too familiar nudge. Upon my heart a request was being laid. Would I listen to a certain listing that was on my Iphone? Would I listen to the style of worship music that once filled my life?
I knew the invitation was just that. But I know all to well that those invitations aren't made haphazardly. I trust that. I trusted that there was something that made this important. So I did. On the walk/run away from town I listened to words and melodies I had not played for many months.
Then acknowledging that the time had come to make the return trek back to town, I turned around. As it would happen another request was made. Now it was the Lakota Healing Prayer song. Then in the consistent nature and character in which I know God to have, there was choice. My freedom to choose whichever music I wanted. I knew exactly which listing I wanted to play.
As I emerged off the path, walking down towards benches near these six magnificent trees, I would be stopped in my tracks.
"You have judged yourself broken. You have been waiting for the time that you could listen to that music again and your heart to respond again. You have judged yourself wrong. You have judged yourself. I have not. I have met you in places you never expected. I've touched you with lyric and melody you would have never gravitated towards.
What makes you think I respond more quickly to one worship style over another. What makes you think my presence flows more readily in one form over another. Hymnal, band, silence, chant, slow or fast; none of that matter to me. One can be just as dogmatic singing songs (notice, my child I did not say worship) with a full band and lyrics flashed upon screen as they can holding a hymnal. It isn't methodology. It is heart.
You have judged yourself broken. I have not.
Be at peace. "
I moved to those benches. I sat among those trees. I leaned back. I closed my eyes. I received.
I had really only ever known one style. I really had had the belief that it mattered. Personal preference doesn't matter. It simply is just that. Personal preference. Our likes are not automatically God's new and only movement. Whether one generation wants to hold a hymnal while an organ plays, or another wants to feel the beat of drums louding filling the airwaves, or one wants to sit in a circle of quiet, or one wants to play the flute, or one wants to chant, or one wants to... Do we get the picture?
It isn't about form or style or preference. It is about heart.
I had judged myself broken... He had not.
He really had met me time after time as Take Me to Church played into my ears. He really had touched my heart. He really had heard my ache, my cry, my need. He really had not judged me. He really wanted me to be able to worship Him, be made whole and celebrate our love affair with each other. He really didn't care to which music I did so...
I had judged myself BUT I had also been so arrogant. I had my preferences be God's. In those moments my heart not unlike the Grinch's grew. My heart continues to grow as I touch permission; freedom. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. I'm learning that truth in whole new ways.
I'll say this as I end. I could feel it. I could feel as I listened to Hozier's music that I was being met. That within those words were the lyrics my heart needed to find space to breathe again. I had been so critical of myself in those moments. I had in term of Grey's Anatomy thought myself dark and twisty. I had called good evil. Last statement... It was so important to God that I not think that and that I not judge myself that He took my on a walk, requested something of me and my heart, and turned into a journey of a lifetime. So like Him.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. John 1:5 (Let's be a people who when the Light shines we don't call it darkness.)
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